... contented: reflections of a career woman then and a stay at home mom now

(EXCERPT FROM ONE OF MY BLOGS ALMOST A YEAR AGO)

"will you quit a successful career to be a devoted stay-home mom???"

... I'm blessed to have a very wonderful family. I have a doting husband who more than provides for his family; he has a high profile career yet he takes his time to give me the support and understanding i need. My 2 1/2 yr old boy & 1 yr old girl are both lovable, energetic and eager to explore the world; they do require a lot of attention but a flash of smile from them is enough to take all my worries away ...

... My long days are filled with endless chores and numerous errands. Balance the checkbook, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids, more activities for the kids, play groups, social calls, family obligations, doctor appointments, and oh yeah -- sneaking in a pedicure/manicure/facial here and there. My to do list never ends! I can't complain though, life is good and God is great! ...

... With my ever excellent organizational skills, I somehow manage to master my househould. This year has been filled with activites, get-aways and vacations. And get this, I work 40-60 hours per week as a top notch project nurse. And I am proud to say that I am the best in our bunch at work. Although lately, I am tired, I feel overwhelmed and wanting a break ...
... My dilemma is neither my home life nor work defines me. It is a combination of both that brings me substance. It always has been! Pre-babies, I was workaholic. but I've learned to acknowledge that my husband and kids come first, so I have slowed down at working. Yet I continue to strive to keep my career that I have worked so hard for. But at this point of my life, I'm thinking one has to give ...

... Sooo, I began to question myself. Am I being selfish by not wanting to just stay at home like other moms? Am I being stubborn by fitting my career to my busy family life? Is there such a thing as being able to juggle both? How do you achieve balance? How do you have the best of both worlds? ...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(EXTRACTIONS FROM MY MIND AND HEART RIGHT NOW)

""

My husband and I were doing a great job juggling our careers and caring for our kids. He works three twelve hour nights in a week. I (used to) work just three days a week too. Three long days -- twelve to sixteen (and sometimes) twenty hour work days, depending on how much workload we get. I prefer it that way, instead of five eight hour shifts, I couldn't possibly be away from home everyday. Thank heavens that my job allowed me the flexibility that most employees envy: I controlled my own schedule so long as the work was done! Since our busy work schedule left one day for the whole family to be together, that one day was devoted to family activity. We would also take breaks (weekend get-aways and quarterly vacations) in between so that we don't get burned out. Everything was working well. Minus the feeling that I was rushing all the time -- rushing to finish my paperworks so I can go home and take care of the kids so the hubby can have a shut-eye before his shift... rushing to put the kids to bed so I can clean the mess they've made so I can sleep and be ready for work the next day... but all is well. That was until my husband's work required him to travel last October. Since we didn't send our kids to daycare or have a babysitter, I gave my two weeks notice. My boss was sorry to let me go and told me to come back as soon as I can.

The first few weeks was like a vacation for me. I relinquished the work induced stress and basked in the comforts of my home. And with the husband gone too, I had more time for myself. I mean, that was one person less to care for. Meal preparation was easy as I was dieting and my kids are happy with macaroni and cheese for dinner. My boy goes to school three times a week (every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday from eleven in the morning to three in the afternoon). So on those days, I focused on my girl who was more than happy to shadow me while I do house chores. On Thursdays, we attend a play group in a shopping mall playground. On Fridays, we visit the nearest Barnes & Nobles where I catch up on my reading while they play Thomas the Blue Tank Steam Engine.

When my husband came back from his work trip, he was amazed by how clean and organized everything was. I have always tried to keep the house neat, but with both of us working full-time and two toddlers eager to explore, our place was far from immaculate. So with the moldings scrubbed to glistening white, pantry almost alphabetized, and all his clothes pressed, my husband very much liked the idea of me not working. And he told me, he'd prefer it that way.

Since the holidays were around the corner -- we always host Thanksgiving Dinner for friends and we always take a two week Christmas vacation to spend with my in-laws, there is no point in rushing back to work just to put in requests to be off. I told myself I can go back to work in January 2008. Then there was the christmas shopping list, weekly menus, family activities, more playgroups and new kiddie wardrobes, spa days with girlfriends, and dinner and movie dates with my husband while my trusted friends babysit. Somehow, over the holiday bustle and vacation fuss, I settled into my new routine. I have always been the primary caregiver to my kids but being with them 24/7, this was the most domesticated I've ever been. The quality of our home life had changed from rushed and okay to a balanced routine. My kids were happier. My husband was happier. I was happier. Then my desire to rejoin the work force became nonesixtent.

I still see my co-workers, we have coffee and lunches every now and then. Their stories bring back memories of the nursing profession I so dearly hold close in my heart. But none entice me to give up what I do now. I sometimes miss our office hustle. I always think I could be doing a great job if I am there. But I never regret a day spent with my kids. Never have I looked down on moms that opted to be stay-at-home, but I have always thought they were missing out on the rewards of what a career brings to a woman. Until I experienced it, then I realized it -- motherhood is a career, a devotion on its own. And if a mommy could afford to stay at home with the kids, then by all means, she should savor it. Kids are only young for a while, I can give up my j-o-b for now, after all, I am confident that my career will still be there... long after my kids are grown, and I'm on my own again.